Ecstasy is Necessary

No, this is not a Hot Romance Novel ... at least in the traditional sense.

Instead, Barbara Carrellas delivers Ecstasy is Necessary as a sort of guide to discovering your own path to ecstasy. This is a very individual journey. Yes, you can have a partner. Heck, you can have more than one. But that person is irrelevant if you don't understand yourself. You will not achieve fully realized ecstasy in an intimate relationship until you know your own needs, desires and fantasies.

Carrellas is a new agey kind of girl who tells us about her 18 piercings. If you think this sounds weird or that she would be too weird to take seriously, allow me to say that I am about as new age as a '72 Buick LeSabre, and I could relate to a lot o what she has to say.

This isn't so much a how-to book as an exploration. Carrellas gives you exercises, and you need a journal for recording them. She also gives you a lot to think about. How do you define ecstasy? What are your fantasies? What secretly kinky thing have you wanted to do but haven't? And why haven't you?

The biggest message in Ecstasy is Necessary isn't the title, but rather that ecstasy is a journey, and you have to know yourself in order to successfully traverse it. My idea of ecstasy may be different from yours, and that's okay. As Carrellas puts it, "Ecstasy is available through so many avenues! I point this out to clients when they claim that joy, pleasure, or ecstasy is not possibile in their lives because, for some reason, sex is not available to them. Yes, orgasm and sex are hugely important, and for many people sex and orgasm are either the easiest or the only ways they know to access an ecstatic experience. But ecstatic experiences are available in a myriad of other ways." You need to figure out what ways are YOUR ways to ecstasy.

One of the journal "prompts" she gives you is to write down sensual "elements" that make you feel safe, centered and special. Carrellas is big on safety and centeredness as pathways to ecstasy. She also stresses communication. All of this self-exploration is worthless if you can't explain your needs to your partner. For instance, when she guides you through determining an "erotic risk" that you would like to take, you must be able to communicate those desire with your partner.

In these days of Fifty Shades of Grey making BDSM a coffee break discussion, Barbara Carrellas' guide arrives at an opportune moment. If you think that your sensual life needs a little boost, this is a non-threatening guide to getting you on the right path.

Published by Hay House and available on Amazon.com.

Thanks to NetGalley for the preview.